C.on.stip.at.ion........Co.on.stip.pa.at.ion...

Remember that Carly Simon song "Anticipation"?  Well, when we were kids, we'd sing "constipation" to the "anticipation" tune.

Just thought I'd throw that little memory out there...

So this morning, I was rather upset and down, AGAIN, about the severe reduction in my personal independence and mobility (you get ALL KINDS OF TIME to think and really get yourself all wound up and emotional when you're standing naked and wet in a COLD bathroom, waiting for the hot water to warm up and get, well, HOT) since moving here, but also about missing out on going with a friend to check out a daycare for her kids.  (I was REALLY interested in seeing the differences between US and UK daycare, seeing as I have an education degree and one of my two internships was in a three year old classroom.)

After much talking and discussing this morning before the English Muffin finally had to leave for work, though, I think we both feel a little better.  At least, I feel like I have a means to getting closer to the independence and mobility I crave, PLUS using my noggin for something other than testing how my homemade scarves look.  I'm definitely ready for that job.  Somehow, though, I feel like I've failed certain people, people who would give a right arm --or two-- to be able to stay home and not work.  But for me, staying home has been a slow and boring death.  I miss SO MUCH trying to figure out whatever LITTLE --looking back on them all now, I realize that NONE of these issues were world-ending-- problem someone would come to me with, when I worked in IT.  From having to turn a pc on for the lady who said, "I don't know what's wrong with it, the screen's totally blank, and I can't get it to do anything," to having to build a new computer LOVINGLY from scratch, for the new girl in Community Resources, I miss using my brain.  And I miss using my brain in a techie kinda way.

It's exactly like the extensive amount of French I used to know, that I acquired from YEARS of grade school and high school classes, those classes forming the foundation for my many college level French courses, and my serious consideration of getting a degree in French.  Where is it all now, though?  It's gone.  I've lost it because I NEVER had opportunity to use it.  I don't want that to happen with my computer-y stuff.  This laptop is the first computer I've NOT built in over six years, now, and while it was AND STILL IS definitely appreciated, I didn't build it, and I couldn't tell you its exact specs without looking.  I don't want to forget how to connect a power supply, a motherboard, a hard drive.  I don't want to forget the differences between AMD and Intel, and why I personally think one is better than the other.  I don't want someone to ask me, "How do I...?" only for me to look at them with a big blank, "I have NO clue" face.  This is all prideful stuff when it comes down to it, really, and regarding the tech parts, definitely NOT hard stuff to learn, know, or do.  BUT I CAN DO IT, and I don't want to have to relearn it all again.  I'd have to add it to the EXTENSIVE list of things I'm ALREADY having to relearn, and I DO NOT WANT to do that.

SIGH..

But--  Well, anyway, nice to get that last little bit out, I guess.

I know what I need to do, but there's an order in which I must do these things, and no "instant gratification" for me, unfortunately.  I'll plug along and get things done, in the order in which I HAVE to, and finally, hopefully, I'll be back with how things work, and my regular being able to take them all for granted (which I WON'T do, but I see now how easy it was to do that in the past).  As I SEE it, in about a year, I'll hopefully be on the level I was two years ago --make sense?

It does to me, and I guess that's all that really matters.

So after the E.M. and I got finished talking, I asked him if we were still going out to dinner later with the friend that I'd had to miss this morning, and did he know what he was doing for lunch today?

E.M.:  "While you were in the shower (While I was standing in the tub butt naked and freezing my ASS OFF, dripping wet, with conditioner in my hair and apricot scrub fighting its way into my eyes, waiting to finish my shower while the hot water replenished itself, he meant.) I warmed up the garlic bread."

Me:  "So you're taking that, then?  But if we're going to the Italian place tonight, are you sure you want Italian TWICE in ONE day?!"

E.M.:  "Well.  Italians do it, don't they?"

Me:  "Hmmm.  Yeah, well I guess they do.  Alright then, buddy, on your way with your Italian, then, and I'll see you later."

Yeah, I can do this..

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